Can you say emotional rollercoaster?

Throughout this entire pregnancy I have been this ill hornet. Snapping at the least little thing, threatning to choke people, and I've developed road rage. But this morning, as I was hanging somemore of Allie's clothes up, the thought came in my head, I'm about to have another baby. I mean I saw me holding her and I began to cry my eyes out. I had to go sit down and watch some t.v.

What the crap was that about? It's not like this is new, I'm only 24 days away from delivery. I've seen sonogram pictures, felt her move, kick and heard her heartbeat. Why all of a sudden did it just dawn on me that I'm going to have a baby? What made it so real?

Right now, she is pushing as if she is trying to come out of my belly button. I'm wondering if she sees light through there...lol Maybe I'm sleep deprived. Which isn't true, I fell asleep last night before 8:30. And only got up twice to go to the bathroom.

I wonder if other mothers to be have felt like this? I don't remember feeling that with Logan. I also don't remember being this scared of the c-section. I suppose that has to do with the fact that I had never had one and didn't know what to expect. I know now, and that should make it less scary, right?

Well, it's lunch time, I'll contemplate this as I eat some tuna salad and crackers.

Weekly visit

Had the weekly check up today. NST went good, Allie cooperated today. I was in and out of there in 15 minutes. I had my strep-b test. I think that is what it's called. I gained 2 pounds back. I keep losing and gaining those same two. Doesn't anybody out there need them. I'll gladly send them to a good home.

Before the check-up, I went to the hospital and had Allie's car seat installed. They do this once a month and it's free. I think that is wonderful. She will be safe now. So, all we need now is her. And she will be here, unless God has other plans, October 20th, sometime after 12 o'clock noon.

So this means I have to do without food and water all morning. That is going to be hard. I'm sure I can do it though. I'm tough, after all I'm a mother! We can do anything!

I went shopping and bought her a onsie. Like she needed it. But I have only bought her one and it says Lil Sis. This one says Pretty and Perfect like mommy! I love it. I wanted another one that said I can't talk, but I have attitude. But I figure, why advertise something so obvious.

Clarify

I need to clarify something. The widget at the top says 35 weeks. That is going by my due date. The one at the bottom, is going by my c-section date. Just so no one thinks I don't know my due date or what week I'm on. Believe me I know. 26 days to go. I'm so excited.

I felt a pretty good contraction last night about 7 p.m. And then another one this morning around 6 a.m. I'm still not sleeping good. I'm up at least 3 times going to the bathroom. I think she has dropped. I seem to be having trouble walking and I'm going so much more than usual. I also have been having the "nesting" syndrome. My mama and sister-in-law come and cleaned the carpets on Monday. Things still need to be "purged". We've got so much stuff that we don't need.

I have an appointment tomorrow morning. Before that I'm going to the hospital to get Allie's car seat installed. They do this only once a month. This will be my last chance before she gets here.
Logan has been on green everyday this month except for Monday. He was on yellow for talking. Man, I thought he would make it. He has done so much better here lately. I'm so proud of him.

2nd Baby Shower

I had my 2nd baby shower on Saturday. It was great. Allie got lots of stuff. Diapers, bottles, blankets, and some new outfits. She has so many clothes, and I can't say that any of them aren't cute. Little girls have such a good selection of clothes.

Today we are going to clean carpet and the house. Mama, Shelli and I are going to be busy. They won't get here until later.

I'm so excited, 28 days, 4 weeks. Logan and I have three countdowns going, till Allie gets here, his birthday and then when the new Monster Jam video game comes out. He is more excited about the video game than anything I think. I think he has gotten bored with the waiting on his sister to come. He's more of a right now kinda kid. 9 months seems like a long time to us, it must seem like an eternity to him.

Well, I better get up and get some stuff out of the way for the carpet cleaners. I'll update again after my appointment on Thursday.

35th week check up

Had a busy day yesterday. I had two appointments. At my doctor appointment, I didn't even get to see the doctor. Lil' Miss Uncooperative, as predidicted, would not be still in a spot that would let them get a good consistant heartbeat. I knew she was ok because she was moving.

I was sent across the street to the hospital to L&D to be monitered. Once I got there, she decided to be still for us. The nurse said it was because I had eaten lunch. Next week, I'm going to take a snack with me. After that, I was told the doctor was at the hospital doing a c-section, so I just made my appointment for next week and came home.

I had to call mama to get Logan from school. Allie is already messing with big bro. I can just imagine what it will be like with her here. Can't help but smile!

Logan has been on green this whole month. He has not been in trouble one day! I am so proud of him. I just pray he keeps it up. He's been asking alot of questions lately. Who's going to take care of me when sister gets here? I told him that I would only be in the hospital for a few days. I did my best to reassure him that he is not going to be forgotten. With only 32 days left until she is delivered, it's getting more real for all of us.

Monday, Mama and Shelli are coming to help me get the house clean. I know they will know what I want. After all, they've been here before. They know what I'm talking about.

We're having another baby shower Saturday. We also have a birthday party to go to. After this shower, what's left to buy is up to us. I hope we get the rest of what we need. It isn't much, but what is left is very much needed. Diaper bag, bottles, more diapers, things like that.

Soapbox

I feel like getting on my soapbox. This pregnancy is totally different than when I was pregnant with Logan. I seem to have a very short fuse. Some things are ticking me off and I want to get them off my chest.

1. It seems that the more I read on certain web sites, they look down on women who have c-sections. This, to my knowledge isn't elective surgery. There are good medical reasons for having them. My reason was, lets just say, very necessary for the health of the both of us. And if my doctor, who knows me, in this area, better than anyone else, says to have another, then I will have another. Look down on me if you want. I want a healthy baby and to be around to enjoy my daughter.

2. Breastfeeding. Everywhere you turn you're looked down on if you don't breastfeed. Yes, I've heard all the reasons to breastfeed. I also know my body. I can't. It's not that I don't want to, I physically can't. I have no choice but to bottle feed. My son was a bottle fed baby and he is so smart that he makes me feel stupid. He's healthy. He is not suffering from being bottle fed. He wasn't deprived in any way.

I just wish certain "experts" would give unbiased opinions, not their own opinion. I do not look down on a woman that wishes to go through labor without drugs, so don't look down on me because I choose to listen to my doctor. I don't look down on women who breastfeed. I think that is great! God has given them that and I haven't been given that, so don't talk to me like I'm ignorant, or a bad mother.

Whew! I feel better.

33 week check up

Well, today was a fun filled day. I got to the doctors at about 9am and didn't get out until after 11 o'clock. My precious little princess wouldn't cooperate. A little too much like mommie! She kept moving during my nonstress test. That on top of having the hiccups made for a long day. When I finally got to see the doctor she had a cold and was sneezing her head off. She asked if I wanted to go ahead and schedule the c-section. I said sure, why not. So, October 20, 2008 will be Allison's birthday. 6 days before her brothers.

So, that gives me a few days to recoup before Logan's birthday party. I say October 20th with the understanding that God and Allie may have different plans. So, I have less than 6 weeks to get ready. 40 days. OMG, can I do it? Yes, I can!

All is well other than her not cooperating this morning.

"Nesting"

I think that is what it's called. No matter how much I clean, it isn't clean enough. No matter how organized everything is, it isn't quite enough. Even though everything is in it's place, it seems like there should be a better place for it.
Is that nesting or am I going crazy? This along with the never ending hunger I've had lately is really getting to me.

I am on this gestational diabetes diet and can't have sweets, and only limited carbs. But all I want to eat is pizza, cookies, cake and chocolate anytime, anywhere. This is getting harder and harder to control.

I went to a bridal shower yesterday after church. I had 5 sausage balls, 1 and a half pieces of cake, with chocolate icing and 2 small glasses of punch. Those aren't on the diet, I don't think.

There are snickerdoodles under a cake plate on the kitchen table. And with an open floor plan you can see them from anywhere in our living room. They are like eyes on a painting, the follow me where ever I go. Is that creepy or what?

I do good when I have someone around to keep me company. I don't indulge in things like that. I just seem to have no will power when I'm alone. That is one reason I miss work so much. I so don't want to gain the 25 pounds that I've lost back. I want to keep them off, and take a few more with it. Having a healthy baby is my motivation for now, after she gets here, what will I have? A big ole butt again!

Maybe I'm trying to "clean" the cravings away? Could that be it? Only time will tell. I'll go see if I can clean this latest craving away. Look out kitchen bar, here I come!

Week 32

Things went well yesterday. I gained 1 pound. So my total loss this pregnancy is 25 pounds. My sister in law still can't believe I've lost weight. I guess that "diet" the doctor has me on is a good one. I can't wait to see what size I'll be wearing after Allison gets here. Right now I weigh 198 pounds. Of course, I'll give up the wheat bread for a big honkin doughnut from Lamars.
I've let everyone who will listen know that I want there to be some doughnuts, I don't care what kind, as long as they are from Lamars, to be in my room when I come from recovery.

Anyway, back to the doctor visit. The NST went fine. Allison cooperated, she moved around some. I got to listen to her heartbeat for about 20 minutes. When I got to see the doctor, she let me know that she wants me to come back every week. So, I have another appointment on Wednesday morning. Since I have gestational diabetes, I guess this is her or something new they are doing.

I'm going to try and get some pictures on here soon. I've been checking out other blogs, man, mine is plain. I have that one picture of Logan on there.

The baby's room will be done this afternoon. Bo is going to pick up the baby bed and changing table today. I can hardly wait to get it in here. This room looks good, but not complete.

I'll update again after my visit next Wednesday.

Lazy day

I had a lazy day today. Logan finally come home this afternoon from his Nanny's, my mother's. He went there Saturday morning and didn't want to come home after church on Sunday, so he didn't. Can you say spoiled?
I just laid around and took it easy. Got up late, 8:00 and then took a nap around 2:00. Allie has been moving slower the past couple of days. She's getting bigger and isn't moving as much. She has her times though. She just likes to pick a time when I would rather be sleeping. But I am not complaining. I just lay there and smile as she does her ballet.

I go to the doctor tomorrow morning. I get to have a NST done. I never had one with Logan. Dr. Ballard said to plan on staying at least an hour for that. Then I get to do my regular 2 week visit. Again, I'm not complaining. I get to hear the heartbeat for awhile. Who can ever get tired of hearing that.

Bo went to Grace Baptist Church this morning to help the Civil Defense out. They are housing some evacuees from Lousiania. He said there were only about 70 people there. Some were already leaving to try and get back home. I couldn't imagine having to live like that. No matter how much I felt like that was home, I think I would try to find another place to call home. To have to worry about things like that June to November every year! UGH!